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IF I DELIGHT IN THE LORD, THEN according to Psalm 37:4, I will be given the desires of my heart.

Rationalization has a field day with this verse. We consider this to be carte blanche, and whatever we ask we will be given if we delight in the Lord. So let’s analyze this for a moment. I want a new BMW and since I am delighting in the Lord He will give it to me. Since when is someone delighting in the Lord when material possessions become the main focus? Their delight is in stuff and not the Lord. “Love not the world neither the things that are in the world” (1 John 2:15).

There is another more troubling way to look at this verse. “I really want children” or “I really desire to be married” is the cry of many who have delighted in the Lord, yet these desires have not been fulfilled. But these are normal desires and are not necessarily the result of delighting in Him.

A third understanding is that God places strong desires on our hearts when we delight in Him that cannot be fulfilled in any other way but by supernatural grace.

So if I am delighting in the Lord, then I might expect that He will give me an overwhelming desire to advance the Kingdom in ways that are beyond my normal desires and capabilities. A missionary call or a deep desire to start a Bible study at work may well fall into this category. After I came to know the Lord, I had a passion to plant a church which at the time made no sense at all (and was well out of my comfort zone and training.) But God’s calling is His enabling: “Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it” (1Thess. 5:24).

If I delight in the Lord then I can expect Him to move in ways that I am not familiar with. Such ways are exciting and have no human explanation attached to them. None of us, however, fully delights in the Lord, yet we have this record of Jesus: “…. for I do always those things that please Him” (John 8:29). When we are in Christ, then what Jesus has done in total obedience to the Father is credited to our account. “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” (Prov.3:5-6)

IF I WERE EMPATHETIC, THEN I would feel the pain of others. Their poverty would be my poverty, their divorce would be my divorce, their cancer would be my cancer. Rationalization, however, is quick on the draw in such situations. How can I possibly be expected to carry such a load? I have enough problems of my own. But such rationale is soon to fade when we consider how desperate we are in similar situations and wonder where the encouraging word will come from. Where are all the believers when you need them? Have I been forsaken? Why hasn’t anyone called to see how I am doing?

Being empathetic does not mean that I am to carry the weight of the world’s problems. This is not reasonable and certainly not practical for one simple reason – all the world is hurting. The context of life is a world of pain and need. This does not, however, excuse me from being empathetic. Empathy has boundaries, and two things come into play for it to be carried out. First is proximity and second is familiarity. In Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians we find in the first chapter that we are to comfort others the same way we have been comforted by the Lord (1 Cor. 1:4).  This implies that two conditions must be met if empathy is to transpire. First, I have to be in the vicinity of the one I am to give comfort to, and secondly, I am best equipped to minister if I have been through a similar heartache. So as you can see, I can easily get off the hook if these two don’t line up.   However, if I am truly empathetic there is another way to do this. I can find someone who does qualify and encourage them to come alongside the wounded party.  “Whom I have sent unto you for the same purpose, that ye might know our affairs, and that he might comfort your hearts” (Eph. 6:22). In such cases, I am showing the love of Christ.

I will never care the way I should for those who are hurting. The Good Samaritan is not realistic. We will never pull over for every stranded motorist. It just isn’t going to happen. There is, however, someone who did more than just pull over. There is someone who has been touched with the feelings of our infirmities. There is someone who has suffered spiritual, emotional, and physical wounding. Where I have failed, He has triumphed and in this triumph I am moved to be like Him. When I am like Him, I will truly be empathetic.

IF I WERE HONEST, THEN I would be honest enough to admit that I’m not, for scripture lays claim to the proper assessment of my heart when it says “let God be true and every man a liar” (Rom. 3:4).

However, the scriptures also tell us of honest people who are upright and have integrity. So which is it? If God is the measuring stick, then the assessment in Romans is correct; but if man is the measuring stick, then certain people can be referred to as honest with respect to others. Rationalization, however, will keep me focused on the latter rather than the former. If I am honest, I will allow scripture to keep these two in proper balance. If I put too much weight on one side of the scale, then I will become self-absorbed and overly introspective about my sin. If I put too much weight on the other side, then I become self exalting, “I thank God that I am not as other men…” (Lk.18:11).

So how am I to see my honesty? Let’s first understand that it is quite possible to be honest and yet at the same time lack integrity. How can this be? Because we can compartmentalize our honesty but not our integrity. Integrity deals with the whole person. The word integrity comes from the same source as the word integer which means “whole number.” A man can be meticulously honest in filling out his income tax while at the same time cheating on his wife. His honesty is compartmentalized. He is an honest man who lacks integrity. So if I were honest, then I would see the need to be a person of integrity, otherwise I will rationalize and think I am honest because I don’t cheat on my income tax.

Jesus was never known for telling the truth, but for claiming to BE the truth (John 14:6). My failure to tell the truth is forgiven by the one who is the truth. He sought the Father on our behalf when he said “Father, sanctify them by your word for your word is truth” (John 17:17).

The word of God is the training ground for truth-telling. I will always be growing in this area if I allow the word to sanctify me. The balance? I have been forgiven for not living up to the holy standard which says I am not to “bear false witness.” Honesty moves me to integrity and I can now see myself the way he sees me: “And you are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power.” (Col. 2:10).

IF I WERE TEACHABLE, THEN I would not be defensive when criticized.

Rationalization is sure to find its way into this discussion. “But what they said was not completely true,” or “what they said was not given in a kind manner.” So? The question on the table is not the degree of truth in the criticism or how it was delivered, but whether or not there something for me to learn from it. After all, God was not taken by surprise in what was said or how it was delivered, but knew that this was part of being conformed to His image. For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God, endure grief, suffering wrongfully (1Pet. 2:19). You might get defensive at this point and argue that a half-truth is a lie, and thus the criticism leveled against you is rendered invalid. Not so fast. Half-truths are invalid in the world of objective reality but not subjective reality. A half-truth regarding what your product can deliver will later be brought to your attention as a lie, but a half-truth regarding your character is a different matter.

IF I were teachable THEN I would sift through all that was said and see if there is an element of truth. If I were teachable, I might seek out a good friend and run by them the criticism to see if they have perceived this in me. I don’t like it when I get home from being with friends only to find that I was sporting spinach between my teeth throughout the evening. Why didn’t someone say something? Sporting spinach is a far cry from sporting bad character. Tell me, please! I want to know, even if it is not said in a kind fashion.

Let’s try something on for size. Over the years I have learned a great deal about people and a great deal about me. Let me give you two categories and see if you don’t fit into one or the other. I believe that most people, Christians included, have a fear of man. I realize this is not an original thought, but I suspect some of you recoil at this and are quick to say that you don’t fear anyone. You just exposed your fear. You fear that people won’t see you as not fearing anyone.  You want to be seen as tough and self-sufficient.

You may even like to display your success by material possessions or letting others know of your success in business. The thought of people seeing you as a failure is more than you can handle, but whether or not they like you never comes across your radar. And then there are those of us that fear people won’t like us and find it difficult to confront. If teachable, we can probably see ourselves in one camp or the other. This, more than we know, directs the traffic of our lives. What we avoid and what we seek out is dictated by one of these.

So IF I am teachable THEN I will seek the counsel of the most teachable one of all of whom it was said “that he learned obedience through suffering” (Heb. 5:8). We will suffer in learning to be teachable, but we will be far more Christ-like when it is learned. Any spinach showing?

IF I WERE FORGIVING, THEN I would show my understanding of having been forgiven (Col. 3:13). But the power of rationalization is relentless. You see, God can forgive because He is perfect and I am not. How then can I expect to forgive when I lack such perfection? Furthermore, what others have done to me is worse than anything I have done to God, so obviously God can forgive me more readily than I can forgive them. However, if I were forgiving, I would have to take this line of reasoning to its logical conclusion – which is to realize that those I have offended believe that what I have done to them is worse than anything they have done to God. This will always result in a stalemate.

If I were a forgiving person, I would not make comparisons about the degree of wrongdoing but focus on the Cross which is where all forgiveness must be sought. There is a level playing field at Calvary. In the midst of my pain I would return to this hill and ask God to search me and see if there be any wicked way in me (Psalm 139). If I were forgiving, I would not play the numbers game by assigning blame percentages. Rationalization is not easily deterred and you might say that the situation you are hard pressed to let go of is not a percentage issue. They slandered your reputation without being provoked which puts all the blame squarely on their shoulders. Calvary comes into view again because if percentages were assigned, then Jesus would be partially at fault and thus unable to forgive the way He wants me to forgive. However, He did nothing wrong yet took all the blame.

Is there not a message here? The Cross forgives even my unforgiveness. None of us have ever forgiven perfectly, but our Substitute has. He has not only forgiven all who come to Him but has taught us how to forgive those who have hurt us the most. Who do you need to forgive right now? “As” is now a very big word, for we are to forgive AS we have been forgiven.

I realize that most people don’t ponder some of the weird issues that pastors must face. Since I engage a great deal in cultural matters that often must be addressed, it is necessary for me to go to Scripture to get the needed counsel.  The matter of a mid-life crisis has surfaced over the last few decades causing much anxiety in our society.  The thinking goes something like this:  “I just turned 40, and half of my life is over.  Where did the time go?  What have I accomplished?  I thought I would be further along than I am in my career.  Is this what success looks like?  The next 40 will only be worse because my health will deteriorate and my income potential will wane.”

Such thoughts only exist in materialistic nations. We become attached to health, wealth, power, fun, and stuff that keeps us clinging to this world.  Methuselah lived 969 years.  I remember wondering a number of years ago if he ever had a mid-life crisis.  At 450, did he say to his wife, “Where have the centuries gone?  Why, it seems like just 100 years ago we bought our first home.”

What is most interesting is that Scripture never addresses this issue except from an eternal perspective. The Bible tells us that we all have the same life expectancy.  It is called a vapor in James 4:14.  We are told not to presume upon the future, because we don’t know what will happen tomorrow.  When we develop an eternal perspective, “the things of this world grow strangely dim,” as the hymn writer expressed it.  We rejoice that we are closer to the new heavens and the new earth than when we first believed.

This is why Scripture exhorts us to think on those things that are above (Colossians 3:1-3). Such a focus keeps us away from the mid-life crisis battle. By the way, if you have eternal life, there is no midpoint.

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  So we can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?” ~Hebrews 13:5-6

While in the Amazon jungle last summer, I discovered something about prosperity. Prosperity offers choices, choices bring conflict, and conflict brings unhappiness. Here is what I mean:

“Hey kids, where do you want to eat lunch after church?”
“I want to go to McDonald’s.”
“No, I want to go to Burger King.”
“We ate there last week! I want to go to Pizza Hut.”
“Everyone shut up – let’s just go home.”

Sound familiar? In the poverty-stricken area of the Amazon I saw some of the happiest children I have ever seen, and they had nothing. There were no choices.

“Hey kids, where do you want to eat after church? Would you like to eat at the McDonald’s that we don’t have or the Burger King that doesn’t exist? What movie would you like to see, the Disney film we don’t have or the adventure film that doesn’t exist?”

The scriptures tell us to be content with what we have. Contentment is coming to a place in my life where I desire nothing as opposed to coming to a place where I have everything.

“And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works” ~Hebrews 10:24

1.  Learn to encourage daily.

Remember—a person’s self worth hangs on the thin thread of encouragement, and some are at the end of their rope.  Don’t wait to give words of comfort.

2.  Learn to relate to those who have similar needs.

Be sensitive to those who are going through a trial similar to what you have already experienced.  How did you weather the storm?  Let them know how God used that difficulty in your life.

3.  Learn to be a good listener.

We all need to learn to read between the lines.  People rarely unload their problems in bulk.  They usually deliver them in small packages just to see if you’re concerned enough to open it.  If you do, they will likely make another delivery.  No one will expose their deeper feelings to people who show little or no interest.  Be a person who cares!

It will never be the nature of a man to encourage, but it will forever be his need.

“But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.”

~ Hebrews 3:13

1.  Because through much tribulation we must enter into the kingdom of God

We all need to be stroked by the warm hand of encouragement.  Who can you think of that just might need some right now?

2. Because we receive far more criticism than praise

Our emotional ledger sheet tells the truth.  It sure would be nice to get it to balance before the final account.  You can help make the difference!

3.  Because it develops friendships

We naturally seek out those who refresh us with words of comfort than those who destroy with words of criticism.

4.  Because it gives health to the recipient

“Pleasant words are as honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones” Proverbs 16:24.

5.  Because we hurt far more deeply than we will admit

Most people carry burdens, the weight of which, cannot be estimated by an outsider.

Learn to encourage when you sense a need.